Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I will be naked everywhere
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
