I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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