She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
