i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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