everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
