How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
