I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
