I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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