guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
