She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My life is pants optional.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize