I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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