If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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