Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
