Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
