I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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