Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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