Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
