I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
