Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
