Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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