my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
