Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
