I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
