I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I need moral support for this bender
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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