I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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