I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
