Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
