Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my shit smells like andre
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
