I think my vagina is haunted
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We need to get me chipped asap
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
