Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
