Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
