even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
