I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
