you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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