I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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