I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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