I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
