i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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