I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
