We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
