real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
