I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
