??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize