It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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