he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
