Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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