This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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