...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
