i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
