did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
