do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
