she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
