New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Randomize
