I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
