Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
