i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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