Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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