It was confusing and full of hummus
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
