he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Pants are for mortals
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
