I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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