Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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