you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
