I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
