Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
