I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
